Easter, Part 3: "The Foyer"

The hand of God is in all things...I took this photo last year.  Do you *see* His hand?

Easter, Part 3: "The Foyer"
Preface to Installment 3:
There has been a lot of press lately about the afterlife.  It is important not to discount this telling of an important account of the afterlife just because it emanates from a child; Children are most precious in Heaven, as are souls of those burdened with physical and mental disabilities while here on Earth - their souls glow beyond belief and are perfect and beautiful and WHOLE there.  I have not read his book, nor seen anything other than a snippet of an interview (GMA or Today) on Youtube (we don't have cable TV, just watch old DVDs :). What has struck me about this account is that people want to believe...when my experience happened, I did not believe that anyone would want to or need to hear it, so I kept it largely to myself, embarrassed by it a little with the exception of a few family members...Over the years, when appropriate, I have shared a very few tidbits only to feel awkward later and wonder if the person thought I was off my rocker.   I can say that where I think my experience varied from his is that I was of an age where I had made decisions (sinned) and could be held accountable for them (as opposed to children, who are without sin in the Lord's eyes - although anyone trying to shop with a 3 year old might argue that point), I myself was not allowed to see the Saviour; although I clearly knew where I was, could feel His presence and knew why I was there, etc...
The Setting:
It is the evening of Friday, May 14, 2004 - a beautiful night - not too warm or cold. I am 3 months along and have lightly spotted (a small clot) two days earlier (just as I had in my last competed pregnancy), but am hopeful all will be well.  We are in Walmart after a brief Dr. appt. (showing everything was fine) and I finally this night have allowed myself to feel like we are expecting - to get excited about it.  We look at baby clothes ~ I have taken at least a dozen pregnancy tests and even quit my Grocery/Dept store management job earlier in the day (another story for another day) due to the pregnancy and the stresses it would bring, as I was older - at this time I was 36 years old.  I had two girls who were 12 and 16, and we were all excited and looking forward to spoiling the new baby.  The cell phone rang, I answered. It was the Dr. office telling me they "forgot" to run a quick test and could I come back?  So we returned, had a blood draw and went home - without buying anything for the baby ~ EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.  We got ready for bed, and my abdomen was tender, uncomfortable even.  As the night progressed, I had to take 3 extra strength Excedrin because the pain was really bad...I thought it was just due to the poking and prodding the Dr. had done...the mucus plug had still been intact, so it HAD to be okay, right? I had had another miscarriage several years earlier and although sad, there was nothing to it really in comparison to this- it just slipped away (~ that time I was only about 6 weeks along)...I took the meds and drifted off to sleep for a bit; Steve is in the front room on the computer - he can't sleep for some reason. It is about 10p.m.  He comes to bed after *seeing* me come in to where he was, although when he enters the room, I am asleep.
Fast forward to 2am May 15 (this is graphic, sorry):
I am in the bed, I have woken up as I need to turn over and feel a huge gush...I am losing this baby...I SOB cry quietly so as not to wake the girls, but somehow think I knew...maybe from the beginning, I was bleeding profusely, and Steve starts "delivering" the first of several large clots which look like pork loin roasts from me into a large bowl and flushing them, and returning for the next round.  There was blood everywhere - too much blood - it smells like death and I go in to the bathroom, where I move from the toilet to the bathtub and the separate shower - the cold water felt so good as I was burning up...this goes on for two hours...then I start throwing up - I cannot stop.  It is coming out of my eyes and nose as well; all the capillaries have popped around my eyes and my face...I recall thinking This is so not good...having watched enough TV, I realize that this is the point where we MUST call for help - Steven has been wanting to do this since the beginning, but I am stubborn and won't let him - I don't want to be a bother - it will stop right?
It is now 4am.  I had him wake my oldest daughter and bring me a pen and paper so I can write a will and a note to my children.  My father died at 37 with no will and I was NOT going to do that to them...She sat with me while Steven made phone calls to my mother and 911.  By now I am drifting in and out of consciousness - BOOM black and silence can't feel the pain I feel as though I have melted into the cold porcelain bathtub- BOOM- light and horrid pain and back awake am I still alive? again; I can hear my oldest baby in the background talking to me, trying not to sound frantic and feel her stroking my hand and petting my hair- "mama, stay with me mama, mama", I can hear Steven's voice talking to my mama - trying not to sound too panic-ish but trying to convey the seriousness of the situation, then talking to 911; finally I hear my mama's sweet voice a few minutes later - scolding in the most loving way possible.  The EMS went to the wrong house but Steve flagged them down - when they got to me they could not find any stats...I was green/blue and had no BP...I remember them trying to get readings by pumping and moving my arm and using their fancy gadgets and they still couldn't get anything - not manually either; they ran an IV and talked to me telling me to "stay with us" and I rambled apologizing for being semi-nude and trying to say "I'm trying" but who knows what came out...they get me on the gurney but couldn't transport right away - still trying to get me stable enough to go...we are on the threshold of the door in the entry of our home -which is fitting - and I had just enough left in me to say "I love you all.  I hope I see you soon." And with that, I was gone...
into a bright room with golden light, no distinguishable walls, out of focus a bit...I saw fuzzy at first figures who were familiar to me but everyone looked so good, vibrant, not sick, and some were younger than when I knew them; and I did not hurt, nor was I afraid.  I had the overwhelming feeling that I was welcome and safe.  It was like a foyer - the room before the Chapel when you go to Church.  I did not see any loved ones per say - I believe that this is so I would be free to make a decision to stay there or come back; had I seen them, I would have likely wanted to stay;  but I came back because my ties were so strong with my children and family and with my sweet Steven; I knew I had a lot of work to do to repair the harms that I had done, as well as have the chance to share with those who would listen, the message of finding joy in spite of our daily lives and the trials and tribulations that we all experience...during my time there, I did bounce back forth BOOM dark, pain, headache, throwing up, noises were unbelievably loud...- the next time my spirit was on Earth, we were outside on the street and the cool breeze felt so good- this gave them the green light to load me into the ambulance and transport me rather than pronounce me, which is what they were inclined to do as my bp was bouncing at 70/40 after two bags of saline and who knows what else...and then I was gone again; BOOM while in "the foyer", I was blessed to see a glimpse of times where I was better than I ever knew I could be - made decisions that helped others or blessed them - it was humbling though, not a bragging type of thing; BOOM in the ambulance, such a headache I begged for them to turn off the siren, which they did, but they kept the lights on - I kept throwing up and passing out;  BOOM in "the foyer" again - no headache, no pain, warmth and coolness all at once, peace;

This time, the room grew less bright, and a kind of closet appeared in the corner - I was shown the things that I am not proud of, the things you think you hide in a HUGE box in the darkest corner of the closet and hope that no one ever ever sees...I knew I didn't want to be stuck with those things for eternity, it felt like at that point this would be the only token or memory I would be allowed to take with me and it was not the one I wanted to hold on to...BOOM we are rolling into the ER, there are dozens of Dr and Nurses waiting for me...but I hadn't flat- lined yet - you have to have a reading in order to lose it - they hadn't pronounced me even though technically they should have - they didn't know what to do...they were essentially waiting for me to die so they could bring me back...there is little they can do until they can use their fancy machines...I'd had almost enough fluid to give me a steady bp of 70/40...I go in and out, but notice that in addition to all the staff, there are three figures in robes or long coats but not bright white ones like DRs wear - two women and one man....I understood them to be watching over me in the ER - they are not seen by anyone but me though...this is comforting as well as unnerving...they are talking about what will be happening and urging me to make a decision - to choose whether to stay here or go back to the pain-free warm/cool comforts of "the foyer"...had I not seen the closet and realized that I needed to clean it out so badly, I might have gone with them - I might have entered "the Chapel" area.  BOOM A nurse was trying to get my ring off, I am throwing up again - mostly bile and dry heaves really - in a HUGE stainless steel bowl that Steven is holding because no one else knows what to do - the Dr looked at her in horror and said that will not be necessary, ....BOOM I was back in "the foyer".  I was choosing to go back to live, the guide, if you will, seemed please in my decision as I could have chosen either way, but I had to return now, and would not be back for now...BOOM  I had made my decision - I shot right up on the table, startling everyone in the room - I threw off the finger monitor and spit on my ring finger, handed the nurse my ring and the Dr. took off her sweatshirt and prepped for surgery...we had to go back to the ER later that Sunday and they gave me more fluids, the same EMS guys were there and were angry that I had been released.  The Dr. remarked that I was the sickest patient she had had in a very long time, and that I was a fighter.  She also said that although green was a good color for me, she preferred I not wear it as a skin color from now on.  I agreed.
It took two months of monitoring for me to have normal hormone levels and 6 months for the blood to return to normal.  I never did have that blood transfusion, although  they put the flyer in my "go home" bag along with my other release papers... 
Thus I am ever grateful for the blessing of a second chance at life, for the knowledge that Steve and I picked eachother and knew eachother before this life - that we KNEW how hard it would be and still chose to go through all of this to find eachother, and that if we do what we are supposed to do, we will be together in the next life. I want that. Because of a tormented childhood and the residual effects, I spent many years alone, thinking that God did not care or hear my prayers....I couldn't have been more wrong. He never gave up on me - even when I did...God is so much more involved in our lives than we ever give HIM credit for...HIS grace is infinite.  Just writing this brings the humbling experience right to the top of my mind again, like the cream rising to the top :)   So, the next time you think you may have seen or met an angel, remember this:  There are those among us who look but do not see...and then there are those who see without looking.  Stay tuned for more...blessings to you all.